Hiding

I debated on whether or not I would tell my husband about this blog.  In the effort to keep this completely anonymous, I have assumed a new name and will do everything within my power to protect my husband and myself.  I wasn't sure I wanted my husband to read this.  Last night when I began, I wanted to keep this to myself.  I was scared to tell him.  I wasn't sure how he would feel.  And I didn't want him to read it and see the deepest part of me, the part that is hurting and feeling alone.  Beyond that, at some point I will share the poor choices that I have made in our marriage.  And he doesn't need to relive that.

But today, it just felt right.  And so I told him what I was doing.  I even shared my first post with him.  While it was painful for him to read, and difficult for me to share, as my heart was fully exposed and he was faced with my uncertainty about whether or not I would do it all over again, I couldn't keep it from him.

I was surprised -though he's given me no reason to have expected any less-with his response.  He believes that my idea to write about our struggles in anonymity is a good idea and he is fully supportive of this endeavor.  We even talked about the possibility of him contributing his side of this issue from time to time.  I think it would be good for both of us.  While we have a good marriage overall, we are broken.  And we need to put the pieces back together again.  And maybe God will use this to bring healing to our marriage.  And ultimately, it is my prayer that God uses this to bring comfort and hope to others.

Soon I will go back to the beginning, where it first began.  I will tell our story.  It will be a long and painful recounting, but it must be told.